Survivors of Abuse and Anonymous Groups

Have you noticed that most relapse are made from members who are survivors of sexual/physical abuse? And when they do relapse, they are told it is because they are not honest with themselves or they do not put in practice what the 12 steps program teaches or they do not do enough meetings, etc...

Trauma victims develops a coping mechanism in order to survive. For many of them, drugs, alcohol gambling becomes a necessity. They have to cope because they haven't yet been able to process the traumatic events. They are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

When such a person joins an anonymous group, they are told to forgive and ask for forgiveness. They are told to let God help them. (Let go and let God) They are told to work on their character defects. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for their action. Work the 12 steps, do a moral inventory of their life, etc...

What is wrong here? The person stops the coping mechanism ( alcohol, drugs, gambling) and instead of working on their emotions and feelings that brought them to their addiction they are told to work the program. This is a major mistake because survivors of abuse have to work on their feelings and emotions in order to get better. As already discussed, the method that helps the most seems to be EMDR.

The 12 steps program is applied to everyone-as if there was one magical answer, one truth for everyone. No matter if you were victimized or an abuser-the answer is the 12 steps program. I can see an aggressor being ask to look at his character defects or ask for forgiveness to the people he hurt or do a moral inventory of his life. ( But I haven't met one psychopath interested in doing this!) But a victim should never ever have to be put in that role. Abuse is always the fault of the abuser, never the fault of the survivor.

Unfortunately, their are many therapists that still promotes the 12 steps programs. I personally think that these so call therapist do more harm than good. Run away from them if you can. Run away from anonymous groups. Find a good EMDR specialist and you will get better, much better. Your coping mechanisms will disappear-forever. It is that simple.